Ope Pardon, 21: Against Mondays

It’s come to my attention in the last week that I have very strong feelings about Mondays.

Not in a Garfield “I-hate-Mondays” kind of way — I don’t necessarily like or dislike any one day more than the others, and given that I ease myself into the work week by working from home on Mondays, I don’t even suffer from particularly bad Sunday scarries.

However! I’ve realized that I have unconsciously assigned values, mostly of the social and/or interpersonal variety, to the different days of the week and thus have begun to read far too deeply into the days of the week I see people. Congratulations to me for unlocking a new thing to be neurotic and insecure about that I rationally know is not nearly a universal-enough way of interpreting human behavior to be drawing any conclusions from and yet here we are!

And while the degree to which I let someone’s propensity to suggest Monday night dates derail our relationship is something for me to deal with in therapy, my own interest in introspection has led me to think deeply about why I value the days of the week that I do and what, exactly, my ranking of days would be.

I share this quick spiral with you now.

1. Saturday

Saturday is the highest value day of the week for me because it is high value on both axis of the grid I have made in my mind for this activity which is “personal social value vs. societal social value.”

Personally, it is valuable in the sense that according to relatively well-established ebbs and flows of my mood and energy levels over the course of the week, you are likely going to get the best me on a Saturday. I stand the best possible chance of actually wanting to do whatever thing I have committed to on a Saturday, with social and physical batteries recharged for both day and/or night activities.

But also, crucially, Saturday is a valuable day “in society” or whatever. By which I mean it is a very popular day for parties or going out or anything that we can put under the umbrella term of social invitations. It is the day that most people want to make plans or host events and thus it is the day you are most likely to be making an active choice when deciding how to spend your Saturday. Choices imbue things with value!

2. Thursday 

Grading just on my own desire to see people and be social, Wednesday would probably get the edge here, but given that Thursday has weekend or weekend-adjacent status and thus more value on the societal axis, I am going to give Thursday the no. 2 placement. Again, I am more likely to have make a choice or invite pals in advance if I want to see someone or do something on a Thursday.

3. Wednesday 

I actually love Wednesday as a day of the week to make or have plans because, by evening time, you are past the so-called hump of the week so generally theoretically less stressed but the momentum of weekend energy has not yet built so it is usually still a decidedly low-key social activity. However, with low-key comes lower demand on the night (and lower net value).

4. Sunday 

I like a good Sunday afternoon social activity but the morning can be marred by hangovers and evening encroaches on valuable time reserved for getting my life in order for the coming week.

5. Friday 

Sufficiently motivated, I have been known to rally for Friday night activities, but given the choice, I prefer a very chill Friday night where I can do nothing and go to bed early and occasionally be hungover because I had gone out after work on Thursday and I simply cannot hang with my French coworkers.

Mostly Friday has no personal social value for me because I just very rarely feel like socializing with people on Friday. However, I recognize the social value Friday night holds in society and thus can respect, appreciate and/or value a Friday night invitation on those grounds.

6. Tuesday

I don’t really have anything to say about Tuesday. A perfectly neutral day and evening for me. Never going to be my first choice but I am never going to be annoyed about it. A fair amount of bars or restaurants are closed on Tuesdays, which can be a logistical problem.

7. Monday

As I said, I am not Garfield. I don’t hate Mondays and it’s low value/ranking on this list is not even based on a personal tendency to be in a bad mood on Mondays. I do, however, rarely want to go be social or do something on a Monday night (low personal value) and, furthermore, believe that no one else ever really wants to do so either (low societal value).

The latter of which adds a light layer of disrespect to the whole Monday invitation. I genuinely believe that no one with a remotely M-F, 9-5-esque schedule seeks out plans on a Monday night and therefore if you are asking someone out on a Monday, you are doing so with the assumption that they are almost certainly free because it is a Monday night and they were going to use that time for something preferable but not necessarily immovable, like grocery shopping or watching the latest episode of The Last Of Us. (Or I suppose football? I just remembered Monday Night Football.) And yes, there is still value in the choice to change your routine or leave the house at all on a Monday night, but I truly believe Monday is everyone’s last choice to go out. You are suggesting the easiest day of the week to suggest and (because?) it has the highest odds of already being technically free and I take umbrage with that. Monday nights are the epitome of Me Time and placing a demand on that time should only be done when absolutely necessary and/or for special occasions. I would even go so far as to say “Never Ask Someone Out On a Monday” should be rule No. 195 on New York magazine’s list of new modern etiquette.

In conclusion, please never invite me out of the house on a Monday night unless it is your birthday or to watch the previous night’s episode of whatever show HBO is airing in the Sunday slot at the time.